Parents Talk: Should Social Media Be Used to Punish Your Teenager?
In this week's installment of Parents Talk, we ask parents if one North Carolina father was out-of-line in doling out punishment for his teenage daughter via YouTube and Facebook.
What happens when your teenage daughter openly disses you on Facebook? If you're Tommy Jordan of Albermarle, N.C., you get even.
Jordan has become something of an Internet sensation since he let everyone in the cyberworld know just how unhappy he was with something his 15 year-old daughter, Hannah, wrote about him on Facebook.
In an eight-minute video on YouTube titled, "Facebook Parenting: For the Troubled Teen," Jordan reads his daughter's curse-littered diatribe that bemoans her parents for making her do chores and apply for jobs.
Is it wrong for a parent to use social media against their own child when the child used Facebook to criticize them?
"I'm tired of picking up after you," Hannah wrote. "You tell me at least once a day that I need to get a job. You could just pay me for all the s**t that I do around the house. Every day when I get home from school, I have to do dishes, clean the counter tops, all the floors, make all the beds, do the laundry and get the trash. I'm not even going to mention all the work I do around your clinic."
Besides his own commentary - "Pay you for the chores, seriously? Pay you for chores that you're supposed to do around the house?" - Jordan makes a bold statement by shooting several rounds from his handgun into Hannah's computer, essentially preventing her from ever posting anything on Facebook again, at least until she can afford to buy her own computer to do it.
The entire response was posted on both YouTube and on Hannah's Facebook page.
This begs the question: is what Tommy Jordan did out-of-line? Should he have kept the issue private or is this openly public punishment right-on in terms of outing a teenager who used an open forum like Facebook to criticize her parents in the first place?
Join in the discussion in the comments below and tell us what you think of this very public grounding.
Jody Gifford
10:08 am on Monday, February 13, 2012
I seriously love what Tommy Jordan did. Yeah, it might be a little extreme but it most definitely got his daughter's attention. With her generation, I think you have to go big to make any sort of impact.
D. Botchie
10:33 am on Monday, February 13, 2012
WHAT HIS DAUGHTER DID WAS ABSOLUTELY WRONG AND I AM NOT DEFENDING HER IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM!!!! Mr. Jordan's outburst as a result of his daughter's inappropriate FB post was ABSOLUTELY WRONG AND EVEN MORE INAPPROPRIATE THAN HIS DAUGHTER'S!!!! Parenting today is not about controlling your children... it ALL about maintaining SELF-CONTROL! Children learn the most valuable lessons by observing the people around them and mimicing their behaviors and that is something they start at a VERY YOUNG AGE! Watch a 3 yo in the grocery store with a parent... if that child throws a tantrum while in the store, chances are VERY GOOD that one of the adults in that childs life lacks self control and is prone to inappropriate outbursts over the smallest and most insignificant things and the child has witnessed those outbursts on more than one occasion! It's been MY experience that a child will usually mimic the behavior of the adult they are with!!!! Kids today exhibit as much self control as they see the adults around them exhibit, that goes for a 17 yo as well as a 3 yo!!!!
So, Hannah's outburt was wrong... Mr. Jordan's response was even more wrong, because he obviously lost that ALL IMPORTANT SELF-CONTROL, and I want to know just when 2 wrongs started making a right?
Deb Belt
11:36 am on Monday, February 13, 2012
Shooting her computer was crazy. Maybe better to have locked it up for a few weeks -- and confiscate her phone -- that would have been the ultimate punishment. Teens go crazy if they can't text and be on FB. And then they could have used her quiet time to discuss how she pitches in with the family and how bad behavior online follows you. A lesson both father and daughter need to learn.
D. Botchie
12:06 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
In addition to that, her criticism of the "cleaning lady" gives the perfect opportunity to teach a very important "life lesson" because she sure won't be able to afford on when she leaves home... for a weekend, those responsibilities would be HERS and the job would be done right or done again until it was right. Then she would be ready to publish a letter of apology in the same forum where she published her first letter! After that... FB GONE until she's paying for her own internet access!
CFBusinessOwner
2:11 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
My first thought was: why not donate the laptop to an after school program or the Salvation Army where disadvantaged youth could use it to work on their homework? And then sign his daughter up for some community service so she could begin to develop a sense of gratitude. All that said, I do understand his level of frustration---raising teens in this age of social media is a TOTALLY different ball game. Facebook is not only making the job of being a parent more difficult but I think overall it is a depressant for teens. FB gives a false sense of superiority while at the same time the one-upmanship it creates makes them feels bad about themselves, their family,etc. And that's not even mentioning how they now can use this public forum to act out their immature rants/stunts. Sigh.
Anne Carothers-Kay
1:19 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
Having raised two kids past teenage years I can identify with how angry a parent can get with their teenager. However, this parent's reaction is alarmingly beyond the pale. Buddy, this is not what Hugh Beaumont would have done to Wally or the Beaver.
Jody Gifford
2:53 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
Anne, I don't think Wally or the Beav would have dared to say the things Hannah did about her parents. I wouldn't have shot my child's computer - that's a little extreme - but his rebuttal is spot on, in my opinion. She openly bashed her parents - the very people who are putting clothes on her back, paying for her education, and whom I would guess paid for that computer, her cell phone, etc. What she did was blatantly rude and disrespectful. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, you know? I don't think Tommy Jordan was out-of-line in letting Hannah and others know just how unhappy he was with her actions.
Stephen Schmidt
3:29 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
I think he should have bought her a diary and given it to her with what she wrote written inside it. Below that a message would read:
"Be careful about what you put on the Internet, as people will find it and read it. Disrespecting someone on there is as good as doing it to their face.
Also, you're grounded. If you have a problem with that, write about it in this book."
D. Botchie
4:05 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
Jody, don't you think it would have had a greater impact if he had made it clear to her that if she was going to "put it out there" for the world to see, then SHE was going to put it ALL out there? Let people know how disappointed her family was with her actions... What was being done with respect to punishment, AND WHY, and then post an apology to ALL people she may have offended or disrespected? I'm sure that would have even had a huge impact on her friends as well and it;s a lesson thay would stick longer than the destruction of property, that is just going to be replaced because she needs it for school?
Stephen Schmidt
2:26 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
Parenting schmarenting. That guy just wanted to shoot something with his gun.
Anne Carothers-Kay
2:27 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
Yeah, and he had to have hollow-point bullets to do it. I didn't even think you could buy those legally!
D. Botchie
2:55 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
lol... I'm pretty sure they can't be purchased, but you can buy the molds and equipment to make them yourself. My Dad made his own for years.
Scott Raynor
3:49 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
Slandered his name? That's ridiculous. Teenagers complain about their parents, that's what they do. You can't let that hurt your ego to the point that you take out your gun.
For those of you that think this taught her a lesson, then, I ask you: What lesson? That you should shoot things that belong to people who have wronged you? In the end, he embarrassed his daughter, destroyed her computer, which she will need for school, in addition to insulting her way more than she ever did. That's about as immature as you can get.
Rachel Morey Flynn
3:50 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
He didn't seem to be having a tantrum. He seemed pretty calm. I've known little kids who would slap their mother in the face if they didn't get their way, but they don't come from violent households or watch violent movies (or anything that isn't on PBS) or play video games. Where did they learn to slap their mother? You can't say a kid will never do something they haven't witnessed as "normal." Hannah sounds like a self involved brat. Hopefully, her Dad got her attention. I think that was his goal. Not sure he was signing up to have his parenting tactics judged by the entire US population. But there's a lot of non-parenting going on (ex: last week, while I was volunteering in a CR classroom in an elementary school, there were THREE children asleep at their desks at 10am. Like, REALLY asleep.) Parenting? Yes. Please. Any effort is appreciated.
Jody Gifford
4:33 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
D. Botchie, honestly, aside from the taking out the computer with his gun, I think Tommy Jordan did the right thing. I think, as parents, we do everything we can to raise smart, well-intentioned children by offering them opportunities to learn responsibility and respect. I believe the Jordans were doing that by having their teenage daughter do chores around the house and look for a job. Keep in mind, she wasn't exactly cleaning the entire house or doing anything I would consider excessive. Heck, they even have a cleaning person. How hard could she possibly have it? At 15, her parents are doing everything for her - paying for her clothes, entertainment, computer, a cell phone, keeping a roof over her head and food on the table. That is our responsibility as parents and we have jobs that provide those things so our children can lead comfortable lives. But if you just give your children everything without explaining where it comes from or how it's acquired, what good are you doing preparing them for the real world? If Hannah had a part-time job and complained about her employer like that on Facebook, chances are she would have been fired. How is this any different? I think Tommy Jordan wanted/needed to make a bold statement to get Hannah's attention. It may appear harsh to some but you can't say it wasn't effective.
Read Hannah's reaction here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2099958/Dad-shot-daughters-laptop-Facebook-post-wont-let-family-gain-new-fame.html
D. Botchie
5:49 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
ok, she threw a crying fit, laughed about the idea of selling the shell casings on ebay, and shes grounded. Nothing about how the disrespect issue was addressed with regards to her parents or more specifically the "cleaning lady". You obviously didn't read my earlier response to Deb Belt's post,
you said,"But if you just give your children everything without explaining where it comes from or how it's acquired, what good are you doing preparing them for the real world?"
Oh, yeah... what he did sure gave her a clue about that!
His video was nothing more than a knee-jerk reaction and a whole lot of one-upmanship. That is NOT the kind of thing I want my kids to start learning!
Jody Gifford
6:26 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
Actually, according to her dad, the behavior was corrected. He was quoted in that article, when asked if he felt it was effective punishment, saying, "I think it was very effective on one front. She apparently didn’t remember being talked to about previous incidents, nor did she seem to remember the effects of having it taken away, nor did the eventual long-term grounding seem to get through to her. I think she thought “Well, I’ll just wait it out and I’ll get it back eventually.” Her behavior corrected for a short time, and then it went back to what it was before and worse. This time, she won’t ever forget and it’ll be a long time before she has an opportunity to post on Facebook again. I feel pretty certain that every day from then to now, whenever one of her friends mentions Facebook, she’ll remember it and wish she hadn’t done what she did."
I think we can agree to disagree on this issue. After all, I'm not the one parenting your kids and vice versa. What works for one parent may not always work for another. Clearly Tommy Jordan thought his actions would illicit a reaction and they did.
Moreover, the point of Parents Talk is to share opinions, not necessarily determine who is right and who is wrong. I appreciate your participation in the discussion and look forward to future conversations.
B.A. Morelli
6:38 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
Kids can be maddening at times, but adults should react like adults. Dad's reaction was alarming. You could see he was fueled by anger as he spoke, tripping over his words. It makes me wonder what would have happened if she was there.
Hannah was disrespectful, but kids complaining about their parents is part of life. Facebook amplifies the venting process, but it doesn't change much. Friends will respond the same as if Hannah vented in person; and adults see it for what it is: a temper tantrum.
Kevin H
7:03 pm on Monday, February 13, 2012
Scott Raynor that's HIS computer. He bought that for her to do her school work, Facebook, etc. but she abused that. So technically he can do whatever he wants to it including upgrading $130 worth of new programs for school for HER. He was in the right to punish her like that even though I don't think it should be 2-3 years of grounding but she made the choice to abuse facebook not only in this instance but also the other episode the dad mentioned just a few months earlier of his daughter doing the same thing.
Fennel
5:46 pm on Wednesday, February 15, 2012
She was disrespectful to her parents, and the woman who "cleans" for them. She lied about the amount of chores she had to do, which her dad addressed. She has only to make her own bed, empty the dishwasher, sweep the floors and wipe down the counter. That's not exactly indentured servitude. I can't believe how demeaning she was in her letter! Dad did the right thing.
Jack Wright
10:41 pm on Wednesday, February 15, 2012
I think your missing the point a little. Shooting the computer isn't about punishment its about getting the teenagers attention ! My kids use the the saying "go big or go home". Ever notice that everything in a teenagers life is overblown ? If you don't get their attention all the "time outs" and long talks get you nothing. Are they talking now? yes, Did he get her attention ... you bet .
Kyle Dancer
12:08 am on Thursday, February 16, 2012
When I try to punish my kids I post slutty pictures of them on Facebook so everyone at their schools call them sluts! hahaha it's hilarious!!
Tony Fang (tf245yay)
12:54 am on Saturday, February 18, 2012
Is it just the chores that are causing her to rebel? Or is it simply that the parents were "oppressive" in a way that would want the daughter to rebel.
And Hannah's 15/16 at least ABOVE 13. Facebook states that everyone above 13 can have a Facebook. Who gave the father the right to creep into her account.
And let's all say is shooting into a laptop a good example?!?